February 17, 2020

As Tim started in Song of Solomon 1, “Well here we go…”

Previously, in the courtship of our couple we have read the excellent advice, not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Then in chapter 4, we turned on some Barry Manilow, lit a candle, and poured a flute of sparkling grape juice because the time had arrived.

As we step into chapter 7, we understand that some time has passed. This couple has some miles on the tires. They aren’t newlyweds anymore. And, for those of us who have been married more than a few months, there is a whole lot to learn in this passage.

First, notice that for the first time in the Song of Solomon the man is not starting at the head. He’s starting with his bride’s feet. For newlyweds, intimacy starts with a good make out session, but as you get older, you’re not lighting any fires without a foot rub. But seriously though, notice the tour this man takes of his wife’s body.

This is a slow, methodical approach of complimenting his aging wife’s body. Husbands, we need to remind our brides that we find them beautiful. The act of sex does not necessarily communicate the admiration you have for your wife’s features. As a woman’s body changes with time and kids, we must be proactive in telling our bride that she is lovely. Your shared experiences play a role in that change and the mother of your children should not have to wonder if you still find her attractive.  She must feel deeply the words of this bride, “I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me.” (10)

Second, there are a few words in this brief passage that we refer to as “hapax-legominon.” It’s a fun word you can use at parties meaning that this word only appears once in scripture. As you might imagine, there’s not a whole lot of scripture referring to “thighs” and “navels.” These words only appear here and the exact meaning isn’t clear. However, this scene and these words represent what you might call “extreme intimacy.” These are areas that God has designated only for a spouse.

This husband is complimenting his wife in intimate detail. He speaks gently and lovingly to her, and she responds with passion (11–13). It’s hard to imagine, but there are some men out there who are only gentle, loving, and complimentary when they want something from their wife. Although the man’s approach had a welcomed result, it’s not manipulative or coercive.

In conclusion, intimacy and time are connected. Time can kill intimacy if you’re not careful. If your focus is on your own gratification, time has a way of eroding those things over which you formerly lusted. However, with a proper perspective and a little effort, intimacy gets better with age.

To illustrate this point, think of a cast iron skillet. Cast iron requires a process for seasoning. Then each time you use it, you must clean it without using detergent, heat it until it’s dry, apply a thin layer of oil, and heat it past it’s smoking point so the oil doesn’t turn rancid. Why go through the trouble when I can just use a non-stick pan? Because with a little care and attention cast iron gets better and better with age. Cast iron cooks better, the food you cook tastes better, and it’s strong enough that it can be passed down to your kids.

Your marriage shouldn’t look like a cheap, thin pan from Walmart. It should smoke like steak in cast iron! It just takes a little extra effort.

By: Tyler Short — Connections Ministry Associate